JohnLines

Dunkin' Donuts, please stop upselling at the drivethrough.

A couple of things to set straight, before I start on this. First, Dunkin’ Donuts is my favorite coffee. I had a brief fling with Starbucks years ago but, like the similarly named character on Battlestar Galactica, she’s-a just too strong for me.

But I’m begging you, Dunkie’s, stop the upselling at the drivethrough.

Upselling, just for clarification, is the foisting upon an already committed customer the possible purchase of something they have no interest in.

For example, if you’ve been to Best Buy, you’ve had this experience. You get in line with ... oh, let’s say, two D cell batteries. The person at the cash register when (or if) they have a chance to stop talking with the three other blue shirts whose only apparent function is talking to the cashiers, will ask you:

“Would you like to buy the extended warranty on those batteries? It’s $9.99 for the first year, 15.99 for two years --”

You have to butt in; this is pre-programmed and will not stop without pre-emptive action.

“No they’re batteries. They cost $5.99. They’re made to wear out. What could go wrong?”

“Okay, it’s your life.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Be my guest.”

Now at Dunkie’s, they are not insolent. Pre-programmed, but not insolent.

So, you drive into the drive through. Remember now: you’re going to be talking to a sign.

It begins, the sign speaks:

“Hello welcome to Dunkin’ Donuts. Would you like to try a pumkin fernirevette choc-o-frabr?”

“Excuse me?”

“Hello, welcome to --

“No, I got that part --”

“A pumpkin fernirevette choc-o-frabr?”

“No, I think --”

“Hello welcome to Dunkin --”

“LARGE COFFEE,” speaking into the sign.

I have no idea what a pumpkin fernirevette choc-o-frabr is. I do know this: I do not want it. I came for coffee. Pure, simple.

I love the coffee. Not the market-research generated concoctions that the suits tell the elves in the bakery to whip up.

Just the coffee, please.

christians disguising themselves as atheists

Here are several little facts which, together, produce some very puzzling conclusions -- or questions.

To begin, these are not “facts” like Avogrado’s number is a “fact.” (At least, I’m assuming it’s a fact. I’ve never actually seen it.) This information is from surveys which can be, of course, subjective. But put enough surveys together and you get some ... well, trend lines at least.

Factoid #1: Happiest country in the world? Denmark. (1) In case you’re wondering, USA = 23.

Factoid #2: Highest taxes in the developed world? Not Denmark, but close. Little Belgium takes the gold here. But Denmark does have an average personal tax rate of 44.8%, keeping them in the top ten. The United States comes in, further down the list, at 30.8%. (2)

We could stop right here, but let me throw one more factoid into the mix.

Factoid #3: The country with the most atheists? If you’re thinking Denmark, you’re close. Estimates range from 43-80% of Danes being atheist or agnostic. In the United States, the range is 4% (3) to 7% (4).

So, let’s stir this up a bit. The happiest country in the world is at last half atheist, and pays almost half their income to their government.

In exchange, the government covers the costs for all health care and education, and spends more on children and the elderly than any country in the world per capita.

Oh, that’s just got to be horrible. It sounds so ... well, Christian.

Yeesh.

__
(1) Forbes Magazine; Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD)
(2) Wall Street Journal; Organization for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD)
(3) Pew Forum Religious Landscape Survey
(4) Zuckerman Polling

And here, I only thought it was boring.

They're out there.

As one viewer posted, there seems to be an inherent contradiction between preaching against consumerism and owning TWO Home Theater Systems.

This is the guy who said:

"There is a strong drift toward the hard theological left. Some emergent types [want] to recast Jesus as a limp-wrist hippie in a dress with a lot of product in His hair, who drank decaf and made pithy Zen statements about life while shopping for the perfect pair of shoes. In Revelation, Jesus is a prize fighter with a tattoo down His leg, a sword in His hand and the commitment to make someone bleed. That is a guy I can worship. I cannot worship the hippie, diaper, halo Christ because I cannot worship a guy I can beat up."

Oh, man. You can probably see this coming: It's only a movie.

On comedy and politics

“When Al Franken ran for the Senate, people questioned his credentials, but good grief, people, comedy is hard work compared to harrumphing. It takes brains and elegance and courage to make people laugh. A comedian who joins the Senate has taken a step down on the social scale and everybody knows it.“

Garrison Keillor

As The World Burns

Stopped in Dunkin’ Donuts, Nahatan Street yesterday. While waiting in line, the guy behind me starts a conversation.

“It’s just a soap opera.” He points to the ceiling-mounted TV screen, the one designed to keep us “occupied” for the 45 seconds we wait in line. The Health Care “Summit” is on. Mitch McConnell, senator from Kentucky, a guy you just know would have the whitest legs in the world if you saw him at the beach, is speaking.

Rather -- and you don’t get t use this word too often -- he is bloviating. To “bloviate” is basically bullsh-tting with a script in front of you.

Soap opera, indeed.

The guy continues. “Except a soap opera is funny.”

You know, pal, you’re right. This is everything but funny.

“Be well,” I say as I leave with my bagel and coffee.

It takes him a second, but he gets it.

Be well. Be very well.